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birth control

4 children?

November 16, 2012 by Stephanie Sheaffer 24 Comments

“Four seems like a good number,” he says to me. Glass of wine on the edge of the coffee table. The three girls are asleep and we’re getting ready to watch a television show on his laptop.

I kick and scream inside. I’m done. D-O-N-E. But my verbal response is sincere too, “Yes. Four seems nice.”

Then, I lean in and remind him what he already knows – Wouldn’t it be nice to never have to experience morning sickness again, to not have to fret about the baby’s health, to not have to go through the agonizing trial of labor and the subsequent pain of breastfeeding? We could travel again. We could move mountains. We could do this and that and everything people do when their babies grow up.

I could write uninterrupted and get that PhD. We could sleep through the night and everyone could feed themselves breakfast.

And yet.

We look at little Audrey with a certain amount of wonder. She captivates us with her never disappearing smile, her emerging personality that sparkles over our shoulders. As our dear friend Germaine stated, “she’s not a good baby to quit on.”

Down somewhere in our stomachs, we know that our babies, our children…THIS is what life is really about. We also acknowledge that, with each new baby, we are better parents and better people with broader perspectives. More competent in relating to the world and making it more beautiful. Could it be that there is a sweetness about the sacrifices of young parenting that we don’t fully grasp? Could it be that our children are actually propelling us to the best possible future? Could it be that another wonderful child is meant to sit ’round our wooden kitchen table?

The next day, I swing by my friend Dayna’s house and she asks if I want my maternity jeans back.

“Sure, I’ll take them,” I say, trembling in my throat. “I can always pass them on to a friend if I don’t need them.” Three is a good number too, after all.

Filed Under: Family Tagged With: birth control, making a difference, parenting

I wish I never took The Pill

February 25, 2011 by Stephanie Sheaffer 96 Comments

Two months before my wedding date in January 2002, I started taking The Pill.

I don’t remember feeling particularly conflicted about it. Most everyone I knew was on it. The OB/GYN at the college health clinic handed me a script without blinking; she probably wrote dozens a day.

The tiny discs of pastel pills promised confidence – 99% “effectiveness.” I took it for four years (said with a whisper).

Looking back, I wish that I…hadn’t.

In Mazatlan on our honeymoon

I didn’t have any scary side effects (not even the weight gain that some friends warned me about). Nor did I have trouble getting pregnant afterward (I got pregnant within a month of stopping). BUT – something inside of me just isn’t okay with messing with the chemistry of my body like that.

[I also don’t think the Pill is as safe as people make it out to be].

I haven’t been on any hormonal birth control since the birth of my first daughter. I don’t ever want to be on it again. We plan to look into Natural Family Planning for in between babies. For now, we use artificial contraception.

But what about when we’re “done”? You know – done, DONE. (Will we ever be “done”? How will we know? Will we want to make it final?) I used to think, “Sure. Tim will go in get the surgery. The end.” Right? It’s so…effective.

But we’re rethinking that. How does one reconcile the beauty of modern medicine with trust in God? Don’t get me wrong – I’m not the kind of person who doesn’t go to the doctor. I think it’s awesome that people can get vaccines and heart transplants and all of that. I’m grateful that women have options now for giving grace to their bodies (I can’t even imagine being pregnant every year for the entirety of my childbearing years).

But I also wonder if birth control has taken something away from us. Hope? Trust? Sacrifice? The beauty of bigger families and saying “yes” to…life.

This post isn’t mean to be an answer. It’s meant to be a question and a discussion starter. Because these issues weigh heavily on my mind (and in my prayers).

What kind of birth control do you use and why?

Filed Under: Family Tagged With: birth control

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STEPHANIE SHEAFFER

Hi, I'm Stephanie - a writer, mother, and traveler. I strive to live with this in mind: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" (Plato). [Read More …]

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