letters to my kids

Dear H,

It may be a fourth kid phenomenon, but these past three years have been a blur. You were a chubby, smiling baby in my arms and – blink – you are now a blonde-haired, long-limbed little boy.

Sometimes I think back to when we were trying to decide about having a fourth baby and I want to go back in time to shake myself, “OF COURSE you want another baby! He is going to be kind and adventurous, tender and brave, friendly and funny. He will bring more joy and completion to your family than you can even imagine. Should you have another baby? The answer is YES. ABSOLUTELY. NO QUESTIONS. DON’T YOUR DARE HESITATE.”

I don’t even want to imagine our family without you. You are quick-witted and hilarious, charming and serious, a book-lover, a thinker, a gentleman, a traveler – all things that came to mind when we initially picked your name.

Your favorite things to do include playing with your cars & trucks, riding your balance bike, reading stacks of books, and going places.

Indeed, you are the kind of two-year-old who is a pleasure to take to Costco. I mean that. We never once had a shopping cart melt-down. You sit cheerfully in your seat (with impeccable posture, I might add) and wave at passing shoppers with a winning and sheepish smile. Sure, you enjoy samples as much as the next person – but you have excellent manners, using your “pleases” and “thank yous” without prompting.

On that same note, I have full confidence in leaving you unattended with a pile of markers. I can only think of one time when you drew on anything other than paper.

In general, if anyone in our family is going anywhere, you want to go too. The car wash? The grocery store? Your sister’s volleyball game? You run to get your shoes. Your favorite place to go, however, is Ma’s house. You walk over to her house two mornings every week and they are treasured times. I bribe you back to our house with…salad (your lunch of choice).

When people first meet you, their most frequent comment is about your vocabulary. It is extensive and you speak thoughtfully, with complete sentences and words that seem large for your stature. You especially describe types of trucks with ease – excavator, backloader, bulldozer, etc.

Final Thoughts – You look up to your dad and love following him around the yard as he works. You also adore your sisters and they are equally smitten by you. You are quick to talk about Jesus and you are the first to volunteer to pray at the dinner table. All in all? It’s a wonder and a joy to have a little boy. We are all exceedingly grateful for who are you and we can’t wait to see what God has in store for your life.

OTHER NOTES

• Favorite Books – The Circus Ship, The Chimpanzees of Happytown, Dig Dogs Dig series, The Berenstain Bears series, and Miss Nelson is Missing (which you refer to, most appropriately, as “The Swamp”).
• We visited Flagstaff in February and took the girls skiing for the first time – where you promptly informed us that you do not like the cold. You stood there in the ice and snow, refusing to put on a coat and asking to go home. The only sweater we could convince you to wear was a grey button-up that “looked like daddy’s.”
• You stopped nursing on Jan 21, 2019 at the age of two years and five months. This is approximately the same age as when your sisters weaned. (All of you stopped nursing during the day at about age one and then continued nursing at night until two and a half or so).
• You potty-trained – quickly, easily, completely, and mostly without accidents (including at night) – a couple of months before your third birthday.

* I write letters to each of my children on their birthdays so that they will remember and I won’t forget. As Sheldon Vanauken so aptly put it, “Writing has something of the timeless about it – a breath of eternity.” 

Dear A,

If I were to describe you to a friend in one sentence, I would say, “she is a girl of deep character, quiet goodness, and genuine humility.”

You are remarkably selfless for a child (or an adult, for that matter). Whenever ice cream or cake is served, you wait to be the last to take a plate. At school, you let others nudge in front of you in line. You are always ready to give up your seat or your last piece of candy, but without any pomp or parade. You give generously with gentle sincerity, not expecting or desiring praise.

For example, you took 1st place at your school’s 5k this year in your age group, but you did so in a very under-the-radar and unassuming way. I never heard you boast (or even mention it) to anyone. You just quietly did your best. About a week after the race, I asked you, “Were you tired after the race?” You looked incredulous and then very seriously stated, “I could have run at least eight more miles.” Strangely, I believe you. You have a natural runner’s gait, it’s true – but you also have the other traits of successful athletes: perseverance, determination, and focus. When the going gets tough, you lift up your chin and concentrate. Complaining isn’t your style.

The same goes for when you get hurt. You’ll fly off your bike or hurtle down a cliff when hiking – and stand up again without flinching. Even with blood trickling down your knees or elbows, you’ll say resolutely, “I’m fine” (that’s your signature line). Tears? No way. You’ve got this.

Last semester, you took ballet at school – but running, hiking, rambling, bike-riding, and exploring are more your speed. In fact, your teacher even wrote on your report card that you can “outrun all of the boys” (shhh). That being said, you were a lovely dancer too. Dressed in a golden tutu with your hair in a graceful bun, you bounced your way through the recital.

Every morning, you’re the first to wake up in our family. Some might say you are an early bird, but you’re also a night owl. You are one of those very fortunate people who excel on small amounts of sleep. Your creativity and kindness abound at all hours of the day and night.

I also have noticed a leaning toward creating order in your personality. You choose one stuffed animal or doll for each day to intentionally care for – “from youngest to oldest.” You are reading through the bookshelf from left to right. Etcetera.

As far as academics go, you are bright and hardworking. Intelligent, but not flashy. You especially like to do your work outside or while running around the table.

Other things about you: your siblings love you and each has a special relationship with you.

At home and away from home, you root for the underdog (code name: “protector”) and intentionally strive for peace.

You are a non-picky and thankful eater (always have been). When I asked you to name your favorite foods, you said, “don’t ask me such hard questions.” You and me both, kid. For your birthday dinner, you requested steak, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, and cheesecake.

Today we celebrate your heart of gold, your daring hope, and your never-give-up attitude. You are something else, AJ. You add boundless joy to our family and the world is a better place with you in it.

• FAVORITE COLORS: pink & red
• HOBBIES: caring for dogs & bunnies, playing outside, card games & board games
• NOT CONCERNED ABOUT: wearing matching socks, styling your hair
• CAREER AMBITION: Doctor or Vet
• IF YOU HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: “I would probably buy a dog or save it.”

Dear O,

You are fire and ice, sugar and spice. You are so much like the ocean – raging waves, whispering peace.

Although you don’t have red hair, you and Anne Shirley are truly kindred spirits. Intelligent. Stubborn. Winsome.

Almost always with a book in your nose or a pencil in your hand, you remind me a bit of me at your age. I find notebooks scattered around the house – poems, stories, research facts, dictionary definitions, and – especially – science notations.

Here is where we differ. You keep an inventing notebook. Tattered and peach, it contains sketches and diagrams of all kinds of inventions with acronyms. You read science and astronomy books by the stack. You want to be an astronaut – even if you die in space. Those are your exact words, which make me quake just a bit.

I will remember you at this age in jeans or overalls – with pencil smudges on your hands and robots on your mind. You recoil at the mention of dresses, make-up, manicures, or malls. You’d much rather be outside – examining your rock collection, bike-riding the track your dad created in the backyard, kicking a soccer ball around with astounding intensity and speed, or solving detective cases.

The only time I find you in dresses is for performances – which are frequent around here. Dramatic and expressive, you have stage presence that would make any Director sit up in his/her seat. You do voices and accents. Your dance numbers are magnetic. You sing with gusto and pizazz – a huge voice from a tiny body.

On Christmas Day, you cried when you opened your gifts because you were just so incredibly happy and grateful. I know you’ve grown tired of receiving the Thankfulness Award at school (4 years in a row!), but I will never grow weary of your thankful heart. It’s a truly admirable quality that we all should emulate daily. Thank YOU for that.

Since you are one of four children, I think one of your biggest wishes is to be REMARKABLE, to be seen exactly for who you are. You are desperate not to be a copy or to be copied. Well, let me reassure you, L – you are dynamic and original and one-of-a-kind.

You are a force that people follow. You are blazing your own path, building your own bridges (and your own rockets, as the case may be). My prayer is that you will use all of your energy, your curiosity, and your talents to glorify God and to serve others all of your days. Fame is fleeting and mostly destructive, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Oh, L, you are a wonder. Beautifully created to do good works. Whether you end up wearing a space suit or rider’s chaps or scrubs, know that I am proud of you and I see you for what you are – extraordinary. Happy Birthday.

• FAVORITE FOODS: fruit (especially apples), steak, corn-on-the-cob, mashed potatoes
• FAVORITE RESTAURANTS: In-N-Out
• NOT A FAN OF: pizza
• HOBBIES: reading, writing, science, soccer, running, drawing
• CURRENTLY: taking violin & sewing lessons, part of Girls On The Run
• CAREER AMBITION: Astronaut, Scientist, Mom…maybe a Doctor
• IF YOU HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: “I would buy an RV so that our family could travel around the world. We could go around the world and help people in need. I would also build some more stuff – like a new invention of a rocket ship.”

Dear K,

I’m glad you’re finally twelve because, for the past few years, you’ve told us, “I’ve always wanted to be twelve.”

Now that you’re here, you’ll probably be pining for fifteen. You’ve always been both mature for your age and one to look ahead with expectancy at the future.

You are a to-do list maker. Responsible and careful. I never have to remind you to complete assignments or to pack your kneepads for volleyball. Forgetting isn’t your style.

You are a vacation-packer. When a trip is planned, you immediately set to work, making lists and pulling out luggage. In fact, you pack matching outfits for each of your siblings for each day of our trips and I trust your judgment & completeness so entirely that I sometimes don’t even know all of what you have packed.

You are a party-decorator. For your brother’s 2nd birthday, you came up with and executed a “jungle” theme design throughout our house – complete with hanging vines, tissue paper floral arrangements, and an incredibly lifelike drawing of a lion’s face.

You are a night owl, staying up even later than we do. You’ll sit up in bed with a reading pillow behind your back, studying for Latin, scribbling out math problems, or listening to an audio book.

You are an artist, and your detailed sketches amaze and surprise us. You are also crafty and skilled with your hands. This past, year you have enjoyed pursuits in woodworking and sewing. When your sister’s kindergarten costume for “book character day” fell apart, you were the one to sew it back together by hand.

You are a reader and you don’t hesitate when someone asks for your favorite genre. “Historical fiction” comes out on top, followed by action, adventure, and mystery.

When it comes to school, your report cards are a straight line of A’s. You earn them by practiced diligence, self-directed initiative, and exceptional organization. In truth, you shoulder more than your fair share of your at-home course-load due to the fact that you have three younger siblings.

Last year, you played volleyball and soccer – the two athletic offerings at your school. You preferred volleyball by a large margin. You’d probably enjoy trying other sports too because you ARE the kind of person who tries anything and everything.

Similarly, you want to GO PLACES and you get a little sir-crazy when monotony creeps into the schedule. You dream  of flying across the seas to an international destination and moving somewhere green when you are older.

Interestingly though, you take good-byes rather hard – whether given or received. I would say, overall, that you are a rather social person. Even if you are reading or doing algebra, you prefer to do it in a room with other people.

You have your eyes set on medical school or a doctorate degree already, but you also want to be a mother (which you will undoubtedly excel at, such is your great love for babies and young children). I can see you pursuing something art or architecture related too since your brain works in such mysterious and mathematical ways.

In many ways, you seem more like sixteen than twelve. You listen astutely to conversations and participate maturely. You think about things deeply and have cultivated very refined tastes in regards to literature, movies, and art. You are patient and gentle with young children. You are creative and compassionate, trustworthy and talented.

One more year to thirTEEN! Happy Birthday, beautiful. The best is yet to come.

Other Notes

• Favorite foods: smoothies, ribs, twice baked potatoes, cheesecake
• Hobbies: drawing, doodling, party planning, trip planning, hiking, reading
• Interested in: anything travel-themed or related
• Currently: taking violin lessons

Dear H,

When you wake up in the morning (around 6:45-7:00am), you unfailingly say two things.

First, you command: “Eat!” You are always ravenous upon waking and often eat three breakfasts in a row.

Next, you say: “Outside!” You want to be out in the great wide open – watering the plants, digging in the dirt, running on the porch, pushing the wagon, or splashing in the water. You love family walks and clamor toward the door whenever the word “walk” is heard. Similarly, you are a fan of going places. If anyone announces they are leaving for an errand, you immediately pipe in with, “too! too!”

You’re also a road trip expert. You soak up the sights and very rarely cry when buckled in. On our last trip, you were ecstatic whenever we spied a train and disappointed when they went out of sight.

Other things you love: animals, trucks, cars, balls, popsicles, and dancing to music.

Things you don’t: fireworks, thunder, and bugs. When you see/hear these things, you put your hands up in front of your face in perfect pantomime and say, “scared me” or “bite you.”

Your vocabulary is vast and growing. Plus, you’re a mannerly little gentleman. When you want something, you typically say “please” without prompting. Examples: “up, please” and “milk, please.” You also say “thank you” frequently and without being asked.

I’m delighted to note that you are a “book baby” through and through just as all of your sisters were. One of your favorite pastimes is crawling on to my lap to be enchanted by a picture book and you have quite a long attention span. Your current favorite book is probably “The Berenstain Bears and the Spooky Old Tree” (which we refer to as “the spook”), but you enjoy a wide variety.

Every Tuesday and Thursday morning, you play next door with your grandma (“ma”) and it’s a time you immensely look forward to. You run out the door eagerly, barely looking back to wave and say “love you.” Her house is full of fun – painting, a train set, rows of trucks, and plentiful treats. You also proudly and willingly assist in helping with “po,” your 98-year-old great-grandpa who knows you by name.

For your once-a-day nap, I walk circles around your room and sing to you until your head nods against my chest. My most frequent song selections: “Take My Life and Let It Be” and “A Mighty Fortress” – although I sometimes throw in “Away in a Manger,” “Holiness,” or my modified version of “Rock-A-Bye Baby.” After you are asleep, I put you on your bed and tip-toe out of the room.

At mealtimes, you will try most everything and you insist on having at least one of everything that everyone else has. As a result, you typically have black pepper on your Caesar salad, sour cream on your enchiladas, jalapeños on your burgers, BBQ sauce on your chicken, and salsa on your tacos.

At bedtime (7:30-9pm, depending on the night), you kiss each sister in turn and say “nights” to all. Then, you curl up happily next to me in your twin size bed to nurse (only at bedtime now).

What else? You are the spitting image of your dad when he was two – white-blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect skin, and the most charming smile. “Handsome” doesn’t even begin to cover it. When we are out and about, people compliment and you wave back like a little prince in a carriage.

At age two, you are energetic and sweet, friendly and lively, gentle and determined – and oh-so-lovable! Yes, two can be tiring – but it is also terrific. The last thing I want to do is wish away this wonderful stage. You already insist that we don’t refer to you as a baby. You’re growing up; it’s true. I’m both glad and mournful at the same time.

Happy Birthday to our heroic and happy toddler. We all adore you.

* I write letters to each of my children on their birthdays so that they will remember and I won’t forget. As Sheldon Vanauken so aptly put it, “Writing has something of the timeless about it – a breath of eternity.” 

Dear A,

This is the picture that comes to my mind when I think of your childhood.

Hanging upside down from the monkey bars. Climbing to the very tip-top of trees. Running at full speed with your curls flying behind you. Riding roller coasters with your arms up in the air.

You are daring – bold – undaunted. When you fall, you get right back up again. “I’m fine” is your signature line.

When you are asked to make a decision (“What is your favorite color?” or “Do you want cobb salad or a sandwich for lunch?”), you are able to answer confidently and without being swayed by other voices. It’s one of your best qualities. Rather than listening to popular opinion or following the lead of peers, you stand on your own two feet.

Let’s use swim team as an example. You participated last year (at barely age 5). Several months ago, I asked whether you would like to join again. You pondered for a moment from the back seat of the car and then responded with poise and assurance, “I will do it if I can go one day, then not the next, then not the next. That’s an ABB pattern.”

On our homeschool days, you are generally eager, motivated, and cheerful. You enjoy learning new things and catch on to new concepts quickly.

Your on-campus school days, however, have been disappointing for you. You expected painting, clay, stories, and colorful workbooks at Kindergarten (a la Berenstain Bears) – but the long days drain you. At the end of the day, I ask you for “two goods and one bad.” Your “bad” is always the same: “I really missed you.”

I wish we could have put you in a program with more fun and less drilling, but this school is exceptional in the upper grades and the community is bar none. One day, soon, you’ll not dread those days quite so much. Hang in there, trooper. You are ready for take-off.

At dinnertime, you are a non-picky eater. You scoop up green chili enchiladas on to your plate by the heap. The only thing I can think of that you don’t favor is grilled cheese sandwiches. Even then, you can often be heard to say, “Thank you for this wonderful dinner.” Gratitude flows freely from your heart and lips.

For your birthday, you are getting a lab coat and “real” doctor’s kit because you have had an ambition to enter the medical field for as long as I can remember. If you go that route, I know you will be good at it because you are calm, clearheaded, decisive, and not at all bothered by a little blood.

You’d also REALLY like a dog, but I’m afraid that’s not happening…at least not yet.

More about you. You are – and have always been – a peacemaker. You rarely argue or quarrel, even with your sisters. You bring people together by quietly and brightly doing the right thing. As your teacher put it, “She always does the right thing, no matter who is watching.”

Another thing: You ask provocative and piercing questions. For example: “Why did God put us in this land instead of heaven?” I’d like to know the answer to that one too.

Final words – you are both an early-bird and a night owl. You’re pretty good at cartwheels, despite never being taught how to do them. You like playing card games, writing to pen pals, and sipping coffee. You wish you had a computer. You take awhile to warm up to new people (stranger danger!) and you tend to keep some of your brilliance tucked beneath your coat (which is fine by me). You often have bumps-and-bruises because of the rough-and-tumble, out-in-nature way that you play. You would rather be called “strong” and “fast” than “cute” – even though you are all three of those things.

I hope you can tell from this letter. I don’t just love you, A. I really, really like you too. You are a superlative  human being and I’m so glad that God chose me to be your mother.

Happy 6!