letters to my kids

Dear K,

I’m glad you’re finally twelve because, for the past few years, you’ve told us, “I’ve always wanted to be twelve.”

Now that you’re here, you’ll probably be pining for fifteen. You’ve always been both mature for your age and one to look ahead with expectancy at the future.

You are a to-do list maker. Responsible and careful. I never have to remind you to complete assignments or to pack your kneepads for volleyball. Forgetting isn’t your style.

You are a vacation-packer. When a trip is planned, you immediately set to work, making lists and pulling out luggage. In fact, you pack matching outfits for each of your siblings for each day of our trips and I trust your judgment & completeness so entirely that I sometimes don’t even know all of what you have packed.

You are a party-decorator. For your brother’s 2nd birthday, you came up with and executed a “jungle” theme design throughout our house – complete with hanging vines, tissue paper floral arrangements, and an incredibly lifelike drawing of a lion’s face.

You are a night owl, staying up even later than we do. You’ll sit up in bed with a reading pillow behind your back, studying for Latin, scribbling out math problems, or listening to an audio book.

You are an artist, and your detailed sketches amaze and surprise us. You are also crafty and skilled with your hands. This past, year you have enjoyed pursuits in woodworking and sewing. When your sister’s kindergarten costume for “book character day” fell apart, you were the one to sew it back together by hand.

You are a reader and you don’t hesitate when someone asks for your favorite genre. “Historical fiction” comes out on top, followed by action, adventure, and mystery.

When it comes to school, your report cards are a straight line of A’s. You earn them by practiced diligence, self-directed initiative, and exceptional organization. In truth, you shoulder more than your fair share of your at-home course-load due to the fact that you have three younger siblings.

Last year, you played volleyball and soccer – the two athletic offerings at your school. You preferred volleyball by a large margin. You’d probably enjoy trying other sports too because you ARE the kind of person who tries anything and everything.

Similarly, you want to GO PLACES and you get a little sir-crazy when monotony creeps into the schedule. You dream  of flying across the seas to an international destination and moving somewhere green when you are older.

Interestingly though, you take good-byes rather hard – whether given or received. I would say, overall, that you are a rather social person. Even if you are reading or doing algebra, you prefer to do it in a room with other people.

You have your eyes set on medical school or a doctorate degree already, but you also want to be a mother (which you will undoubtedly excel at, such is your great love for babies and young children). I can see you pursuing something art or architecture related too since your brain works in such mysterious and mathematical ways.

In many ways, you seem more like sixteen than twelve. You listen astutely to conversations and participate maturely. You think about things deeply and have cultivated very refined tastes in regards to literature, movies, and art. You are patient and gentle with young children. You are creative and compassionate, trustworthy and talented.

One more year to thirTEEN! Happy Birthday, beautiful. The best is yet to come.

Other Notes

• Favorite foods: smoothies, ribs, twice baked potatoes, cheesecake
• Hobbies: drawing, doodling, party planning, trip planning, hiking, reading
• Interested in: anything travel-themed or related
• Currently: taking violin lessons

Dear H,

When you wake up in the morning (around 6:45-7:00am), you unfailingly say two things.

First, you command: “Eat!” You are always ravenous upon waking and often eat three breakfasts in a row.

Next, you say: “Outside!” You want to be out in the great wide open – watering the plants, digging in the dirt, running on the porch, pushing the wagon, or splashing in the water. You love family walks and clamor toward the door whenever the word “walk” is heard. Similarly, you are a fan of going places. If anyone announces they are leaving for an errand, you immediately pipe in with, “too! too!”

You’re also a road trip expert. You soak up the sights and very rarely cry when buckled in. On our last trip, you were ecstatic whenever we spied a train and disappointed when they went out of sight.

Other things you love: animals, trucks, cars, balls, popsicles, and dancing to music.

Things you don’t: fireworks, thunder, and bugs. When you see/hear these things, you put your hands up in front of your face in perfect pantomime and say, “scared me” or “bite you.”

Your vocabulary is vast and growing. Plus, you’re a mannerly little gentleman. When you want something, you typically say “please” without prompting. Examples: “up, please” and “milk, please.” You also say “thank you” frequently and without being asked.

I’m delighted to note that you are a “book baby” through and through just as all of your sisters were. One of your favorite pastimes is crawling on to my lap to be enchanted by a picture book and you have quite a long attention span. Your current favorite book is probably “The Berenstain Bears and the Spooky Old Tree” (which we refer to as “the spook”), but you enjoy a wide variety.

Every Tuesday and Thursday morning, you play next door with your grandma (“ma”) and it’s a time you immensely look forward to. You run out the door eagerly, barely looking back to wave and say “love you.” Her house is full of fun – painting, a train set, rows of trucks, and plentiful treats. You also proudly and willingly assist in helping with “po,” your 98-year-old great-grandpa who knows you by name.

For your once-a-day nap, I walk circles around your room and sing to you until your head nods against my chest. My most frequent song selections: “Take My Life and Let It Be” and “A Mighty Fortress” – although I sometimes throw in “Away in a Manger,” “Holiness,” or my modified version of “Rock-A-Bye Baby.” After you are asleep, I put you on your bed and tip-toe out of the room.

At mealtimes, you will try most everything and you insist on having at least one of everything that everyone else has. As a result, you typically have black pepper on your Caesar salad, sour cream on your enchiladas, jalapeños on your burgers, BBQ sauce on your chicken, and salsa on your tacos.

At bedtime (7:30-9pm, depending on the night), you kiss each sister in turn and say “nights” to all. Then, you curl up happily next to me in your twin size bed to nurse (only at bedtime now).

What else? You are the spitting image of your dad when we was two – white-blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect skin, and the most charming smile. “Handsome” doesn’t even begin to cover it. When we are out and about, people compliment and you wave back like a little prince in a carriage.

At age two, you are energetic and sweet, friendly and lively, gentle and determined – and oh-so-lovable! Yes, two can be tiring – but it is also terrific. The last thing I want to do is wish away this wonderful stage. You already insist that we don’t refer to you as a baby. You’re growing up; it’s true. I’m both glad and mournful at the same time.

Happy Birthday to our heroic and happy toddler. We all adore you.

* I write letters to each of my children on their birthdays so that they will remember and I won’t forget. As Sheldon Vanauken so aptly put it, “Writing has something of the timeless about it – a breath of eternity.” 

Dear A,

This is the picture that comes to my mind when I think of your childhood.

Hanging upside down from the monkey bars. Climbing to the very tip-top of trees. Running at full speed with your curls flying behind you. Riding roller coasters with your arms up in the air.

You are daring – bold – undaunted. When you fall, you get right back up again. “I’m fine” is your signature line.

When you are asked to make a decision (“What is your favorite color?” or “Do you want cobb salad or a sandwich for lunch?”), you are able to answer confidently and without being swayed by other voices. It’s one of your best qualities. Rather than listening to popular opinion or following the lead of peers, you stand on your own two feet.

Let’s use swim team as an example. You participated last year (at barely age 5). Several months ago, I asked whether you would like to join again. You pondered for a moment from the back seat of the car and then responded with poise and assurance, “I will do it if I can go one day, then not the next, then not the next. That’s an ABB pattern.”

On our homeschool days, you are generally eager, motivated, and cheerful. You enjoy learning new things and catch on to new concepts quickly.

Your on-campus school days, however, have been disappointing for you. You expected painting, clay, stories, and colorful workbooks at Kindergarten (a la Berenstain Bears) – but the long days drain you. At the end of the day, I ask you for “two goods and one bad.” Your “bad” is always the same: “I really missed you.”

I wish we could have put you in a program with more fun and less drilling, but this school is exceptional in the upper grades and the community is bar none. One day, soon, you’ll not dread those days quite so much. Hang in there, trooper. You are ready for take-off.

At dinnertime, you are a non-picky eater. You scoop up green chili enchiladas on to your plate by the heap. The only thing I can think of that you don’t favor is grilled cheese sandwiches. Even then, you can often be heard to say, “Thank you for this wonderful dinner.” Gratitude flows freely from your heart and lips.

For your birthday, you are getting a lab coat and “real” doctor’s kit because you have had an ambition to enter the medical field for as long as I can remember. If you go that route, I know you will be good at it because you are calm, clearheaded, decisive, and not at all bothered by a little blood.

You’d also REALLY like a dog, but I’m afraid that’s not happening…at least not yet.

More about you. You are – and have always been – a peacemaker. You rarely argue or quarrel, even with your sisters. You bring people together by quietly and brightly doing the right thing. As your teacher put it, “She always does the right thing, no matter who is watching.”

Another thing: You ask provocative and piercing questions. For example: “Why did God put us in this land instead of heaven?” I’d like to know the answer to that one too.

Final words – you are both an early-bird and a night owl. You’re pretty good at cartwheels, despite never being taught how to do them. You like playing card games, writing to pen pals, and sipping coffee. You wish you had a computer. You take awhile to warm up to new people (stranger danger!) and you tend to keep some of your brilliance tucked beneath your coat (which is fine by me). You often have bumps-and-bruises because of the rough-and-tumble, out-in-nature way that you play. You would rather be called “strong” and “fast” than “cute” – even though you are all three of those things.

I hope you can tell from this letter. I don’t just love you, A. I really, really like you too. You are a superlative  human being and I’m so glad that God chose me to be your mother.

Happy 6!

Dear O,

Sometimes I wonder what you will be doing in ten, fifteen, twenty years. Mostly because you are such a remarkable child.

Peculiar maybe too.

For example, you constructed a very impressive looking robot out of cardboard and tin foil. You’ve named him Anji and you have all sorts of grand plans for programming him.

You check out science books by the stack at the library and actually read them all. Same with magazine articles. When a recent edition of The Costco Connection arrived in our mailbox, you scooped it up and read the entire piece on Astronaut Scott Kelly.

Last I checked, you had 141% in Grammar & Composition. I’m not even sure how that grade is possible, but it made me smile because it is very fitting. We may need to create a budget just for notepads around here because you have one permanently adhered to your hand.

When we watch movies, you actually bring a notepad and pencil with you to take notes. And heaven help us when you return from Science Mondays – you have pages and pages of neatly scribbled notes. Also – diagrams! We mustn’t forget the diagrams! Flip through your pages and you’ll find sketches of atoms and molecules, planets, wildflowers, and rocks (categorized by type, of course).

Did I mention that you saw a picture of the Dumbbell Nebula (a planetary nebula in the constellation vulpecula) and recognized it from your own research? When we double-checked your observation with mouths wide open, you responded with a shrug, “It’s my favorite constellation.” I’m not sure how many 3rd graders have a favorite constellation, but you’re just that kind of girl. You even created your own space-themed song for being age 8, “Passing over the sun and passing over a rock, soaring through the sky, never wanting to stop, Apollo 8, bum-bum-bum, Apollo 8. A-POLLO 8.”

Over Christmas break, you copied down words from the dictionary. For fun.

Other strengths you have –

A. Public Speaking. Goodness, you can hold a crowd’s attention. You speak with such rapt expression and dramatic intonations. When you dress up in purple like Rapunzel and stand on a chair to sing “I’ve got a dream,” I watch you, mesmerized. You have a HUGE voice despite your miniature frame.

B. Art. You create sets of pieces in one category. For example, you recently created a fruit and vegetable series where you brought to life strawberries, bananas, and oranges. Each page had a different family group. You’ve done the same thing with princesses, careers, and the 4th of July.

C. Running. Speed and endurance – you’ve got both in the bag. Combined with genetics, I would say you’re well on your way to a track scholarship (if you want one). This year, you’re part of a Girls On The Run team and it suits you just fine.

Other things you like to do – read, collect and paint rocks, hike, and play make-believe with Audrey. You are very enthusiastic when we pull out a microscope or watch documentaries.

At night, you slip under your covers without complaint. I’m not sure if you’ve read about the merits of a good night’s sleep or it just comes naturally, but that’s a habit to keep for a lifetime.

For your birthday meal, you requested Carrot Soup (really – carrot soup). A non-exciting, but super healthful meal that we devised out of pure necessity last year after returning from a road trip and having almost no groceries in the house. Somehow it stuck as one of your most favorite meals so we’re running with it.

You also love fruit of all kinds (apples, peaches, plums, apricots, and melons). You actually told me you were “fruitsick” recently when we ran out of fruit. “You know, kind of like being homesick.”

Other food notes – you like vegetables (especially cucumbers) and almost all fruit (but NOT – cooked tomatoes). You don’t even like sauce on your pizza. You generally turn up your noise at processed foods and even many desserts, though you do so with the utmost of decorum. As one of our neighbors put it, “you’ll never meet a kid with better manners.” Strangely, though, you are a fan of In-N-Out.

When you grow up, you want to be a scientist, astronaut, writer, and mom. Possibly an inventor, horse trainer, or detective. You also want to build a time machine.

For your birthday, I should have bought you a lifetime supply of tape, tin foil, notepads, pencils, and science books. When asked, you said your preference for birthday gifts would be “a rocket and a horse.” Also: “I like shirts that have Saturn and other planets on them.”

Exodus 19:5 (KJV) says, “Now therefore, if ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me above all people.”

Do listen to God’s voice. He loves you and adores you. Also, know that that you are our peculiar treasure too. What would our lives be without you? We love you. To the moon and back (and so much more than that).

Dear K,

What you did on your birthday says something about you.

We hiked eight miles out-and-back to Seven Falls at Sabino Canyon. You and a friend chatted during the walk – about school, volleyball, and career aspirations. “Let’s both be doctors in the same field and work in the same office,” you said to each other.

You especially liked crossing streams – hopping rocks in your hiking boots, with your curls cascading out of the hole of your baseball cap.

The trail suited you more than the paved path. Adventure beats in your blood, pumps through your veins. You have always wanted to go places. You’ve never been one to turn down any trip – whether to the hardware store or halfway across the world. Sometimes, you wistfully ask if we can move out of the country.

After the hike, we ate at Zinburger and you polished off an entire (adult-size) cheeseburger with bacon and BBQ sauce. Plus, a mint milkshake. You say adults frequently underestimate your appetite – which they do.

In fact, I think people just plain old underestimate you sometimes. At age 11, you really seem more like 13 or 14. In the best possible way. Words that always come up when others talk about you: “mature,” “responsible,” and “hard-working.” You are temperate and self-motivated, discerning and diligent. You are also exceedingly grateful, with “thank you” often on your tongue.

5th grade is off to a really strong start for you. On the evenings before our homeschool days, you stay up late and check assignments off your list for the next day. Math and art are still the subjects that you love the most, but you are also a keen reader. Over the summer, you stayed up late with page-turners like The War That Saved My Life and Circus Mirandus and The Giver.

On the evening of your birthday, we did our family traditions – compliments around the dinner table and your pick for dinner (homemade pizza). We saved your birthday cheesecake for breakfast because that’s how we roll sometimes.

You also spent part of your birthday staging photos for my freelance and editorial work. It’s a job that you take seriously and that you do quite well. I give you a list of products/people/themes on a whiteboard and you create artistic scenes. It won’t be long before I’m sending you out on jobs of your own.

I told you that I got a little teary-eyed at your volleyball game last week. The waves of emotion caught me off-guard, but it was because I am so very, very proud of you. How can it be that I have such a kind, intelligent, and thoughtful daughter? I see glimpses all the time now of the woman you are becoming and, put simply, I am in awe. You are a strong and beautiful human being. God’s goodness is evident thru you and His light shines brightly in you.

Happy 11, K. May this year be your best yet.

Other things I want to remember:

• When it comes to clothing, you prefer athletic clothes and tennis shoes.
• You sometimes say, “My hair looks horrageous.” But you mostly like your blonde curls.
• You are a natural with babies and toddlers (including your baby brother).
• Foods you never turn down: ribs, twice baked potatoes, smoothies, coffee.
• Things you are good at: sketching, engineering, putting things together and taking things apart, organizing, designing.

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Dear H,

Things you have loved since birth: light, music, and nature.

When you were an itty bitty, you always turned your head toward the window, toward the sunlight that escaped from the skylight and the warm glow of the lamps in the library. You were and are drawn to the bright and the radiant.

Now that you are bigger, one of your favorite spots is by the window. You stand there and point enthusiastically at the roadrunners and lizards, bobcats and coyotes. You want to be carried outside where you can feel the wind in your hair. On most nights, I strap you into the red wagon and we walk in circles around the back porch. When the weather cools, I know we’ll be out on leisurely neighborhood walks and hikes in Sabino Canyon.

When you have to be inside, you push chairs around the house, grinning with pride & joy. You also like to put your fingers on the piano keys. When music plays, you bop up and down, dancing in the adorable way that toddlers do.

You like books – pulling them off of the bookshelf and having me read stacks of them. The “That’s Not My…(Puppy, Monkey, Lion, Monster)” series by Usborne are your favorite.

You are the picture of good health. In the past year, you were only sick once. You have cheeks and thighs that earn you dozens of compliments. Coupled with your sparkling blue eyes and your contagious smile, you are a wonder.

You have liked every food you’ve ever tried and that’s been quite a variety – mahi-mahi, broccoli, yogurt, salmon, peanuts, cheddar cheese, mangos, and blueberries. Of course, as baby #4, you fight for your spot at the dessert table too. You are quite a fan of ice cream.

Other important things – you adore your dad. As soon as Tim walks in the door, you start crying. Not because you are unhappy, but because you demand that he immediately pick you up. If I try to take you back, you bury your head in his shoulder with a chorus of “da-da-da’s.” I think you especially appreciate that he will walk you outside – showing you the bugs and the flowers. At bedtime, though, you come to me willingly, waving “night night” to all.

From the very beginning, you have been a happy baby. Sweet, charming, and winsome. People at parties coo over your friendliness and contentment. When I flew with you at 3 months, you were a model baby. Now that you are entering the danger age of bumps and bruises, you have some well-earned tears – but you are mostly very brave.

The past twelve months have zoomed by. I soaked them in and really savored your babyhood. My only regret is that I didn’t ask someone to take more photos – especially of the two of us. There are only one or two photos of us together, despite the fact that you were and are almost always in my arms.

What else can I say about your 1st year? Except this: I am profoundly grateful. You are the boy I never knew I wanted. When I first saw the sonogram, I was shocked, but also filled with a quiet kind of joy that slowly crept and filled the all of me. Your entrance into our family is, in the words of L.M. Montgomery, “positively providential.” The Sheaffer Six – it just seems right.

We call you “handsome, healthy, happy, humble, and heroic” – and you are indeed all of those things. And so much more. We love you, sweet boy.

At age 1 –

• You have six teeth (four on the top, two on the bottom).
• You crawl – fast.
• You walk alongside furniture and walls.
• You balance, standing without assistance.
• You say “da-da,” “ma-ma,” “night-night,” and “bye-bye.”
• You wave hello and goodbye.
• You clap your hands – ready to celebrate with those around you.
• You occasionally take two naps, but are moving into one nap territory.
• You sleep in your own bedroom – on a double mattress on the floor.
• Your favorite toys? Hmm. We don’t have very many toys and you mostly just like to be outside. If I had to choose, though, I’d say you are fond of books + balls.